You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
