Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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