yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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