I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
