I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
