You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Vodka?
Forever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
