She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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