hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
