you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
