No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
