if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
