i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
