Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Randomize
