Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
