No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
