i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
