Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
how drunk are you?
Several
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
