there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
