i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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