not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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