I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
