The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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