the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
