I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
