Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
