you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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