Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
