i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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