Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize