It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to have your abortion
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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