I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
