Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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