Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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