fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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