I accidentally had phone sex last night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
