I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize