no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
