Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize