YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
