We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
