so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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