the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize