Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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