my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
