how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
