the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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