go do what you do best...puke behind churches
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
