Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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