You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
