I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
