Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
