come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
