I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
