You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize