I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
