Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I look better un-naked...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
