She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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