you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
