I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
