It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
