a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
