please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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