she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
