why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
