Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize