I met the friendliest cop last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
