i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize