He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
