I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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