Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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