to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
