I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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