make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my shit smells like andre
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
