You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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