I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
