Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
