It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
