We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize