9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
