So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
