I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize