yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
