Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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