8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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