I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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