Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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