Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
