I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
