i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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