Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
