i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize